Of Wives and Men

Are you or have you been married? What’s it like? Pretty intense at times for me . . . I want to believe for the better.

This post could be classified as one of my intimate personal revelations. However, like I want to believe, it’s for the good. As with all of my posts anyway. We’re in this to win.

So it goes, a man seeks a wife. Why? It was kind of fun being single. No limitations regarding my whereabouts whenever and I could interact with whomever I wanted without questions like “Where were you?” or Who were you with?” suddenly becoming like hornets flying at my face. Of course, when you can honestly answer without fear, unlike those times when the “smokin” co-worker in the office wants to spend maximum time talking to you and you very much enjoy it, it’s not so bad. But the world is full of temptations . . . no end in sight nor feeling. What ya gonna do?

What logic lurks behind a commitment which lasts an eternity? Would anyone in their right mind sign a job contract which contains a binding lifetime obligation, when so many jobs are available which do not require such an extreme commitment? Why not enjoy relationships for their natural duration, and then move on when the eroded passion ceases to justify the maintenance of the relationship? Why would any sane person willingly consent to stick with a relationship even after it deteriorates to the point that it is rocky and challenging at best?

According to Kabbalistic teaching, the compulsion to rush into a lifelong commitment is an expression of the human soul’s deepest ambitions. The subliminal signals emanating from the soul have caused the logic-defying institution of marriage to be an integral part of the human fabric since the dawn of time. The soul’s desire to connect and commit makes the aspiration for marriage one of our most basic instincts.

What is the soul’s agenda? What does it stand to gain from hooking up with another soul? The mystics explain that two primary considerations drive the soul’s desire to marry: a desire to be complete, and its need to transcend itself.

In the first marriage ever, Adam and Eve were initially created as a single, two-faced body. The single being was split in two—a man and a woman—and then reunited in matrimony. In the world of souls, the partition and reunification of the male and female components of individual souls occurs continually. Every body is occupied by half a soul, and both body and soul reach a state of completion only when they are reunited with their long-lost other half.

The Talmud says that each soul’s predestined soul-mate is determined before its birth. The two may be born continents apart, with seemingly nothing in common, but divine destiny ensures that everyone’s path intersects with that of their soul-mate. However, in rare instances, due to external spiritual factors which may intervene, it is possible for people to marry spouses who are not their soul-mate. Even in such instances, however, eventually the two original soul-mates will marry—whether later on in life as a second marriage, or in a future incarnation of the two souls.

According to Kabbalists, the soul’s most fervent wish is to transcend itself. Marriage offers the soul the opportunity to express its altruistic nature. Marriage is about two souls who put their individual needs aside, and commit themselves 100% to the success of the relationship.

With Adam and Chavah at the forefront, it has been our mission to sanctify the world and make it a suitable place for emulating its Creator and be cause for “It” to revel. The home is the first frontier. Man and his woman are the perfect team to implement this plan. When working in harmony, they have the ability to make the home an epicenter of holiness whose ripple affects the neighborhood and the cosmos.

While that may be the ideal situation, the reality can be quite different. Now I’m not saying that I am unhappy, not at all. Sure there are some unhappy moments in time which goes without saying. Things can’t be “jolly roger” all the time. How would we be able to appreciate the good times if we have nothing to compare them with? How would we know the difference?

But here’s the thing and this is where it starts getting real personal again. I don’t know how many of you read my post “This Is Personal” , but if you did you’d know that I am not “white”. Here’s where you find out that my wife is . . . well sort of. Not in the way that’s meant derogatorily. She’s an American Romanian gene Yehudiah born in Israel but grew up in New York City. Suddenly the Talking Heads come to mind . . . How did I get here?

Okay, I’ll tell you. For whatever reasons which I cannot say because they are altogether not so clear to me even, I’ve had this strong desire to want to know “Who is G-d?” . . . Really. My parents practiced Catholicism. While I faithfully went to church as a kid, I found myself wanting to know why the person people were saying saved them he himself prayed to G-d. Something didn’t sit right with me. The more I began to peruse through the bible that we had at home with its intriguing pictures, it appeared to me that maybe the essence of prayer should be directed to The Creator of Heaven and Earth. I don’t know, this is way to deep to write about now. Maybe I’ll write a book someday. But, essentially, I found myself in search of truth. Besides, waking up to the fact that the holidays that we celebrated, despite being quite fun days, had a lot of lies connected to them. What’s the deal with the Easter bunny? How come we had a real mean German shepherd dog guarding the inside of our house that let no one in and Mr. Claus could somehow sneak into the house overnight and plant loads of presents under the tree in our living room? No way he could get away with that and not get torn to shreds! Surely I’d have seen some red and white fabric shreds lying around somewhere in the house. Oh and the search for reindeer in the skies all night while listening for the bells chinging over an otherwise snowy silent night? Not once in all my years on this quest did I catch a glimpse of any of those characters. Why was I being lied to? What was the cover up? The truth doesn’t stand on one leg. It’s stabilized by a solid stance.

So I began my search for it intensively while attending university. There I met so many different types of people with so many varied beliefs that an opened mind can get flooded. I finally came to the conclusion that “original” teaching, the first five books that Moses wrote, had the most to offer me in the way of understanding who the real deal is as far as I can understand “It”. Not that I totally do but I feel good that I may be communicating better with “It” than I was under the influence of some other belief. Some say that somewhere in my gene pool there must have been a Jewish “spark” carried down from an unknown ancestor. I must say however, had I known about the Noachide Laws, that might have kept me from being under the yoke of 606 commandments and instead having to be responsible for upholding just seven! So much more liberating. But I’m happy to be living life under the “Canopy of Divine Guidance” so you won’t get any complaints from me. But, for anyone still with me on this blog dealing with similar issues like those I faced, the Noachide World Center may be a good place to look into. Check out these videos too.

Anyway, so I wanted to get married. Did I upset my destiny toward my soul-mate? Or was this part of the divine plan? What does G-d know that I may never find out?

When you change your world, you create a whole new reality. But your phenotype stays the same. For me, the types of “fish in the sea” seemed to become much fewer in number. In fact, pretty much down to zilch. Suddenly, pretty much any Yehudiah with brown skin that my friends and extended family would meet became a candidate for me. For that reason alone. But compatibility is an important concern for such a milestone commitment. I felt no need to be confined within the mindset that my help-meet had to look like me skin-wise. We are clearly people after all . . . Spiritual beings having a human experience! Not that much is different between us outside of the culture we are trained by.

So that had become the main challenge. Bridging the gap between cultural upbringing. I have found that compromise can be a double-edged sword that one must exercise extreme caution with. It can either encourage your wildest dreams or send you to your wildest nightmare. It’s important to keep your eyes on the prize you are trying to win. What’s your ultimate goal? Remember, begin with the end in mind. Now mind you, I, like every sane man on the planet, am attracted to beautiful women. Not that they are attracted to me, but I for sure am drawn to quality. Sure, there are some who look absolutely fantastic, but you can tell right away or even some short time after that they don’t represent quality women. Then again, you can find some really high quality women who look somewhat beast. I selected a “golden soul” who most certainly wasn’t going to be a draw to the “wolves” and maybe run astray nor would I wake up in the morning thinking again of those Talking Heads. Well, not too often anyway!! Admittedly it can happen.

So that’s it. In a search for a mutual lifestyle companion, we may find our selves building our own prison for reasons unknown. But, if the conditions are good, what’s the benefit of breaking out? Being committed doesn’t have to refer to an insane asylum. You have to stick with your “inner voice” and go with your program. It just may be that no matter which one you choose, she’s the right medicine for what ails you . . . Even if at times she makes you “sick”. It’s all good.

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