I’m in somewhat of a dilemma. I need to vent. You see, there’s a battle going on within me having to do with the possibility that I’ve met someone important to me in my life . . . But, there is no way I can know for sure in which way and that my imagination isn’t running away with me.
This situation ties in somewhat with my last post, albeit unexpectedly. It’s from the lattice of coincidence.
It’s like this – a special, highly radiant soul has appeared in my environment and is causing mine a type of uneasiness that doesn’t allow me to stop thinking of her . . . She’s always on my mind. I think it’s from a rumbling of love but I don’t know how or why. With mere eye contact and words, we both begin to “glow” in each others presence. Her aura seems just like mine and we’re “energetically” alike. The major difference is with our ages . . . I’m around 11 years older! Now this wouldn’t be a problem for me if I wasn’t married; but, I am, for better or for worse. I can’t really investigate this possibility further.
The song by England Dan and John Coley floods my mind . . . Yeah, if this is the case, it is sad. But I don’t want melodrama. I’ve actually wondered since that fateful day I married if I indeed found my soul mate. I had doubts then, but to make a long story short, she was right for me at the time and may still be (24 years must mean something). But the fact that my soul didn’t nor doesn’t “sing and dance” from her presence tells me that maybe I settled for second best and compromised. What’s important is that my life is nevertheless good. While it is natural to want better, good is what it is.
No relationship is without its ups and downs with rocky precipices. However, there is much to be said for being “in love” with someone as opposed to merely feeling love for them. The feeling that no matter what, you are undeniably for that person and would do whatever you need to keep them in your life. That’s not to say I wouldn’t work out of love to keep my wife happy and provide for her as necessary; but, I don’t feel like I’m “in love” with her. In fact, at times I don’t even like her! Her personality seems incompatible and clashes violently with mine at times and moments do occasionally arise where I “make my escape” and go meditate. I do love her, but have this sense that my true soul mate is still out there – somewhere – maybe closer than I am ready for . . . and I won’t ask or attempt to verify my suspicion! It could just be that I having a middle age crisis. Who knows!
What to do? I might be too old for this one anyway so what the heck am I thinking. This is nuts! My wife is a high quality woman with a beautiful soul and wonderful intentions. I have truly been blessed to have her in my life and I hope vice versa. She’s been here and there for me through some rough times and I sincerely thank and owe her for that. But what if my ideal match really is someone else? This scares me! What if this is my last “incarnation”? I doubt that it is, but what happens if the next one is a long way off and I am supposed to act now? What if this fantastic woman is my soul mate? Maybe she is a reincarnation of some other past family member who I was really close to? It’s bananas – unpeeled and oxidizing! I may never know.
I better just keep business as usual for the time being. Gone are the times when a man can take more than one wife – legally anyway . . . and I care not to hurt my wife’s feelings over this matter in particular. It’s a good thing she knows nothing about this blog! So, unless the “soul” that has “zapped” my control reveals her identity in a way that makes it clear to me that I need clear the way, my “show” must go on as it has for the past quarter of a century . . . and still be blessed. Chivalry cannot be allowed to die. It’s the virtue of true, caring men who recognize what’s right.
So again, it’s high time for me to grab more trusty blends of therapeutic essential oils to infuse my brain with healing aroma. In case you want to know what I’m talking about here, check out the app. I shouldn’t have this time go lapse without them!