Likes Like Likes

When we think about what motivates us and makes us act the way we do, we have to consider the draw. What’s the pull and what has it got a hold of . . . Where are we being “grasped” and in which direction is the force yanking? What is the nature of the force? What ALLOWS you to not fight it?

It all boils down to a similarity of form. Let me explain. Of course if you’ve gotten this far, you probably want to know where this is going – duhh! Anyway, when a force exhibits an attraction for another object, we can say that it is magnetized to that object. That for inherent reasons, some of which may not be known, a desire exists for one thing to another. That a force acting between two whatevers tends to draw them together and resist their separation.

But isn’t attraction usually a factor between two opposites? Complementary poles? Plus joins minus, males to females, light to dark, yin on Yang . . . The list goes on. So, how does that explain the concept of likes attracting likes – that “birds of a feather flock together”? It seems somewhat contradictory.

The look alike effect plays an important role in self-affirmation. A person typically enjoys receiving confirmation of every aspect of his or her life, ideas, attitudes and personal characteristics and it seems that people are looking for an “image” of themselves to spend their life with. One of the basics of interpersonal attraction is the rule of similarity. Similarity is attractive. It is this underlying principle that applies to both friendships and romantic relationships. There is a high correlation between the proportion of attitudes shared, and the degree of interpersonal attraction. Cheerful people like to be around other cheerful people and negative people would rather be around other negative people (Locke & Horowitz, 1990).

Similarity has effects on starting a relationship by initial attraction to know each other. It is showed that high attitude similarity resulted in a significant increase in initial attraction to the target person and high attitude dissimilarity resulted in a decrease of initial attraction (Gutkin, Gridley & Wendt, 1976; Kaplan & Olczak, 1971). Similarity also promotes relationship commitment. Study on heterosexual dating couples found that similarity in intrinsic values of the couple was linked to relationship commitment and stability (Kurdek & Schnopp-Wyatt, 1997).

But then, how does that jive with the complementary type of relationships? Perhaps the importance of similarity and complementation depends on the stage of a relationship. Similarity in humans seems to carry considerable weight in initial attraction, while complementary elements assume importance as the relationship develops over time (Vinacke, Shannon, Palazzo, Balsavage, et-al, 1988). Markey (2007) found that people would be more satisfied with their relationship if their partners differed from them, at least, in terms of dominance, as two dominant persons may experience conflicts while two submissive individuals may have frustration as neither member take the initiative.

All this I write is in the wake of my last post in an attempt at closure. Because I need to understand … Is it the similarity of form that is the basis of my drama? Being affected by an “image” of what I value, in someone else? Her being female really boosts the attraction no doubt. But essentially, and especially considering the importance of not messing up a “not all that bad” thing, I choose to focus on the beauty of my similarity with her being. To allow the excitement of simple communication with her and to see how I can learn lessons from her experiences for my own development. It’s a gift! While maybe not to be a “wife”, though I really would like for that to happen, it is probable I can still be “re-paired” even so … by basking in the “light” that flows between us from the miracle of her being in my world.

 

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Going Nuts . . . It’s Bananas . . .

I’m in somewhat of a dilemma. I need to vent. You see, there’s a battle going on within me having to do with the possibility that I’ve met someone important to me in my life . . . But, there is no way I can know for sure in which way and that my imagination isn’t running away with me.

This situation ties in somewhat with my last post, albeit unexpectedly. It’s from the lattice of coincidence.

It’s like this – a special, highly radiant soul has appeared in my environment and is causing mine a type of uneasiness that doesn’t allow me to stop thinking of her . . . She’s always on my mind. I think it’s from a rumbling of love but I don’t know how or why. With mere eye contact and words, we both begin to “glow” in each others presence. Her aura seems just like mine and we’re “energetically” alike. The major difference is with our ages . . . I’m around 11 years older! Now this wouldn’t be a problem for me if I wasn’t married; but, I am, for better or for worse. I can’t really investigate this possibility further.

The song by England Dan and John Coley floods my mind . . . Yeah, if this is the case, it is sad. But I don’t want melodrama. I’ve actually wondered since that fateful day I married if I indeed found my soul mate. I had doubts then, but to make a long story short, she was right for me at the time and may still be (24 years must mean something). But the fact that my soul didn’t nor doesn’t “sing and dance” from her presence tells me that maybe I settled for second best and compromised. What’s important is that my life is nevertheless good. While it is natural to want better, good is what it is.

No relationship is without its ups and downs with rocky precipices. However, there is much to be said for being “in love” with someone as opposed to merely feeling love for them. The feeling that no matter what, you are undeniably for that person and would do whatever you need to keep them in your life. That’s not to say I wouldn’t work out of love to keep my wife happy and provide for her as necessary; but, I don’t feel like I’m “in love” with her. In fact, at times I don’t even like her! Her personality seems incompatible and clashes violently with mine at times and moments do occasionally arise where I “make my escape” and go meditate. I do love her, but have this sense that my true soul mate is still out there – somewhere – maybe closer than I am ready for . . . and I won’t ask or attempt to verify my suspicion! It could just be that I having a middle age crisis. Who knows!

What to do? I might be too old for this one anyway so what the heck am I thinking. This is nuts! My wife is a high quality woman with a beautiful soul and wonderful intentions. I have truly been blessed to have her in my life and I hope vice versa. She’s been here and there for me through some rough times and I sincerely thank and owe her for that. But what if my ideal match really is someone else? This scares me! What if this is my last “incarnation”? I doubt that it is, but what happens if the next one is a long way off and I am supposed to act now? What if this fantastic woman is my soul mate? Maybe she is a reincarnation of some other past family member who I was really close to? It’s bananas – unpeeled and oxidizing! I may never know.

I better just keep business as usual for the time being. Gone are the times when a man can take more than one wife – legally anyway . . . and I care not to hurt my wife’s feelings over this matter in particular. It’s a good thing she knows nothing about this blog! So, unless the “soul” that has “zapped” my control reveals her identity in a way that makes it clear to me that I need clear the way, my “show” must go on as it has for the past quarter of a century . . . and still be blessed. Chivalry cannot be allowed to die. It’s the virtue of true, caring men who recognize what’s right.

So again, it’s high time for me to grab more trusty blends of therapeutic essential oils to infuse my brain with healing aroma. In case you want to know what I’m talking about here, check out the app. I shouldn’t have this time go lapse without them!

What’s The Deal With Reincarnation?

Is it necessary? I mean, why is it that some of us believe we may get another chance at life? Is it because this one isn’t so satisfying that we hope another one would be better? What keeps us from living this one better? Should the answer to that question eliminate the need for another chance to live life again when applied? . . . Or are we possibly an experiment by The Higher Power Who’s checking how we respond to different scenarios of “reality” and thus recycles us at will without our knowledge?

Perhaps we’ll never know. One thing is for sure though, we are here now. What are we doing and are we making good use of our “gifts”? What are our aspirations and how are we cultivating their “soil” to encourage their bearing “fruit”?

It could very well be that we only live once. If that’s the case, what should we be achieving before it’s over? Should we all be doing the same thing? We know that there are rules for maintaining a sane society. Could they be for maximizing the amount of time we have for living longer? Because without them, surely some of us would live selfishly to say the least . . . and lives would be cut short.

Seriously! If we knew that this is the only life we have to live, how need we go about it without interfering with the right of others around us to live decently too? Everyone living out their dreams without hurting anyone else. Is that really possible? Because I happen to think that someone or others by default will no doubt think only of him/herself or themselves and mess up the symbiosis. The nature of mankind unfortunately has an evil side to it. Not everyone can overcome and conquer it. It exists in varying amounts with some folk possessing more and others less. But is that because of a certain refinement attained by “rectification of character” via second, third or more “chances” at life? Some of us achieving higher levels of “being” through graded, life cycle refinements?

It’s too much for a limited mind to comprehend. Whatever the truth is, I believe we have to live as if this is our only chance to appreciate the beauty that life has to offer. First, we have to see it as beauty full, then we have to be imbued by it and live out the healthy expressions of our appreciation. To use whatever talents we are given to elevate existence to even higher levels of conscious appreciation in order that The Universe open up more channels to joy for us. Its stores are endless and the goods are abundant in stock. Then, it wouldn’t matter if this was the last time we are . . . Our lives would be great nonetheless! . . . With a chance to do it over again hopefully . . . Unless the rewards of the after-life are even better for those who conquer their evil inclination. Then it would really pay off to make this one count.

The Disruption of Anger

I had to catch myself this morning as I found myself a bit late getting off to work. One of my daughters is complaining that no one woke her up at six o’clock per her request (which I cannot recall her asking me if she did) anh here it was half an hour later. She’s standing in one spot loathing over how little time she has to get her things done. I said to her that while the situation looked bleak, it behooves her to do as much as possible in the time remaining. She just stood there wallowing in misery. I told her that as long as she stands there doing nothing, nothing will fet done and if she’s wise, she’d better put “the pedal to the metal” and haul a__. She just raised her voice and said there was no chance she could finish her preparations in the amount of time left. She was right. She wasn’t doing anything but whining in place. I wanted to yell at her but then quickly realized, in time, that she became the proverbial horse that when lead to water, can’t be forced to drink if it doesn’t want to. I didn’t know what to do.

I felt a surge of anger. What the heck is going on here? Can you smack sense into the “blind”, ignorant and stubborn? Of course not! Being a parent, it’s become apparent that one finds need for a course in psychology to meet the challenge of it. Not everyone “catches” his or herself in time. There are many terrible stories abound with tales of lost control.

I gain my insight from Torah. It happens to be my choice for principle guidance. I have no intent to impinge on anyone elses sources for moral or spiritual guidance. That said, Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz brings from Gemara that the ways of The Torah become part of a Torah scholar’s personality; the more a person learns the Torah and delves into its great wisdom, the more it becomes part of him. I reckon this holds true for anyone who permeates his life to live with holiness and good teaching from words of “Iight”, wisdom and truth. A true scholar of genuine Divine wisdom should be a person who walks the talk, who lives it, who embodies it –  someone in whom the values of “The Way” are personified in their conduct, the way they interact with people, their integrity and their decency. Every part of their being should be an expression of such high values.

This is why when there is anger, the wisdom and “in”-spiration of the Torah leaves. If the person who makes a point of embodiying the teaching is not walking the talk, if they are not an expression of the depth of Torah values, then there is no place for Torah within such a person. Living the values of “The Way” day-to-day is a prerequisite to being a true “enlightened” scholar. Hence many passages in the Talmud discuss how decency is the foundation upon which G-d taught learning can be built – not just because it is the moral imperative, but because the Holiest of Teachings cannot remain in a person who does not actually live its way. It has to become part of who he or she is.

There is a famous letter written by Nachmanides, Rabbi Moshe ben Nachman, known as the Ramban, who lived some 700 years ago. He wrote a letter,  what could be called an ethical will, giving advice for life to his son; but his words are timeless. He began the letter with a verse from Proverbs, and the first sentence in his own words reads as follows: “Accustom yourself always to speak all of your words with gentleness, to all people and at all times.” This is the Ramban’s first instruction to his son and, by extension, to people who value good moral qualities. We must speak gently to all people at all times. He continues, “and through this, you will be saved from anger which is a very evil trait and causes people to sin. This is what Sages say: that “whoever becomes angry all kinds of hell rule over him.”

The fact that the Ramban chose to start his ethical will with these instructions shows us how dangerous anger really is, but at the same time also gives us practical advice on how to control it. He is saying, externally you must act in a way which is the opposite of anger and that will have an internal impact. What we portray to the outside influences who we are on the inside. If we speak gently and kindly, this will prevent anger.

Of course all this is easier said than done. But, if any of us are desiring in any way to emulate The Creator and “Be” in Its Likeness, it is imperative to consider these words and learn ways to do so.

Feel free to add your comment.

Some Words About M.O.B.E.

As you have probably learned by now, if you’ve been reading the posts in this blog, I have a liking for Matt Lloyd’s proven and license-able online business system. For those just now learning about it, I want to clarify a few important points in regard to it, that are important to take into consideration if you too are looking for a “right thing” to partake of in becoming an internet marketer.

First of all, you’ll find that with his program you will not need to develop your own product in order to get started. You can have an effective internet business system running at full speed ahead for you within very short weeks. All of the essential elements of managing such a business are handled by his crew. It would be almost impossible for a “newbie” just starting out to handle the business all by him/herself. There’s so much to do to run it like a well-oiled machine. But Matt’s got that all taken care of with his operation. All you need to do is send him traffic. That’s it! Of course you’ll have to learn the best ways to generate that traffic; but, that’s all you basically need to focus on and let his staff handle the customer service.

Now here’s the thing, if you are already going to make a sale of a product to someone, it might as well be a “high ticket” item rather than a “low ticket” one. Even with a lower volume of sales, you’d end up making more in shorter time than what you’d make at the higher volume from lower “ticketed” products per unit of time. With a “top-tier” modeled business, you will make a whole lot more in much less time than it would take you when running a typical small commission “bottom-tier” business system. Again, with Matt’s program, you don’t even have to talk to people on the phone nor fulfill any of the orders. It’s all done for you. All you have to do is send the traffic.

This business model is based on that used by the most successful businesses. Essentially, it’s like leveraging a franchise; but, costing much much less. You get a guaranteed system that is proven to work. You get to leverage using a BIG dollar brand. Plus, you get to leverage their advertising campaigns, their proven products and special offers that sell.

Imagining you hear me say to you “. . . and furthermore, what sets Matt’s program apart from a typical franchise is that it is a digital company that focuses on digital based products. No high costs of fulfillment. Does not have to maintain a huge warehouse full of inventory with lots of people on staff. No need for shipping or incurring expensive costs for having something physical produced. It’s kind of an ultimate profit model that allows him to pass on high profit margins to his partners. YOU can be one of them too! Are you interested to learn how?”

By leveraging his skills and efforts, you can completely SKIP THE HARD PARTS of this type of business and put your focus on how to capitalize. It costs thousands of dollars to set up a product launch correctly. By him, it’s all done for you. Follow the steps of the program and you will be enabled to promote valuable top-tiered products and potentially generate high revenue despite what it takes to advertise and grow a business to be success and profitable rapidly. You simply can’t run a $100,000 plus yearly business selling low-end products, no matter how incredible it is or they may be or what others may tell you about theirs. If you want to enter the world of digital information marketing through the internet AND want the easiest and high commission way to do it, in my humble opinion, this is a good place to make a start.

All New Beginnings Are Difficult …

. . . But that then makes them all the more satisfying when their end is sweet!

Sure, it is a known fact that what stops far too many people from achieving their desired attainments is being afraid to start! To make the first real move in the direction they want to go that they themselves have chosen. Stopped on the tracks right from the start. Now what do you do?

Fear of beginning anew is instinctual. Starting fresh in an unknown realm. Unsure of the depth to which you’ll be challenged in the new environment. All you know is that you’ve got to zero in on something new. To focus on making the best of the new situation. Whether it be from one or many aspects simultaneously, change is rough and tough. Especially when you are impaired and unprepared.

By being im-“paired”, not “pairing” or adapting yourself to likewise represent the “nature” of that to which you are “changing”, you have a harder time “fitting” in. You don’t relate to it. By “pairing” yourself beforehand to the “condition” to which you are destined to become a subject accelerates acclimatization. It fortunately began beforehand! One was “prepared” (pre-paired as it were . . . Even pre-“pared” as in apples or potatoes before they are used for cooking).

This has meaning for all things we concern ourselves with. How well prepared are we to take our be-ing to the next level . . . even artfully. That is if you want to. I imagine that if you’re reading this material, you too are looking to foster good changes in your be-ing. No? Am I wrong? So let’s assume the position. Position ourselves to be mutually appropriate to achieve maximum results for the whole picture.

What is the first thing you want to change to start ________? How would you begin? What do you already have that would justify you beginning right now to have your ________?

As for me, I make it no secret that I would prefer to be a business owner rather than an employee for someone else. That’s the only way I can insure that I come to enjoy the work aspect of my life. No boss is going to put his heart into my satisfaction on the job. Even if (s)he did, will I be able to survive on the companies “benefits” should I be fired or retired? Some of my earlier postings provided sources for good books to read on this subject. I suggest you see the post “on Mentors and Coaches”. These can kick start you quicker than you would by your lone ranging self. It is through some of their influence that I began this blog to share my stories. This is part of my new beginning, one of many throughout my history, though this one being publicized. It is part of what I already have in my possession that justified my expedient start. That plus my desire to nurture a change in my behavior. By sharing my story I get to find out if anyone else resonates at my vibration . . . Theoretically at least. This must have readers for a start! But you can say I’ve been “pre-paring” the way, removing the coarse barrier to the wants within to make for easier digestion.

Be that as it may, to really entice big potential financial change from the “git-go”, one of the better private license rights recommendations I have for getting a running start in an online enterprise is . . . in some of my posts. I bet you already know. It’s a very fine start.

Of Wives and Men

Are you or have you been married? What’s it like? Pretty intense at times for me . . . I want to believe for the better.

This post could be classified as one of my intimate personal revelations. However, like I want to believe, it’s for the good. As with all of my posts anyway. We’re in this to win.

So it goes, a man seeks a wife. Why? It was kind of fun being single. No limitations regarding my whereabouts whenever and I could interact with whomever I wanted without questions like “Where were you?” or Who were you with?” suddenly becoming like hornets flying at my face. Of course, when you can honestly answer without fear, unlike those times when the “smokin” co-worker in the office wants to spend maximum time talking to you and you very much enjoy it, it’s not so bad. But the world is full of temptations . . . no end in sight nor feeling. What ya gonna do?

What logic lurks behind a commitment which lasts an eternity? Would anyone in their right mind sign a job contract which contains a binding lifetime obligation, when so many jobs are available which do not require such an extreme commitment? Why not enjoy relationships for their natural duration, and then move on when the eroded passion ceases to justify the maintenance of the relationship? Why would any sane person willingly consent to stick with a relationship even after it deteriorates to the point that it is rocky and challenging at best?

According to Kabbalistic teaching, the compulsion to rush into a lifelong commitment is an expression of the human soul’s deepest ambitions. The subliminal signals emanating from the soul have caused the logic-defying institution of marriage to be an integral part of the human fabric since the dawn of time. The soul’s desire to connect and commit makes the aspiration for marriage one of our most basic instincts.

What is the soul’s agenda? What does it stand to gain from hooking up with another soul? The mystics explain that two primary considerations drive the soul’s desire to marry: a desire to be complete, and its need to transcend itself.

In the first marriage ever, Adam and Eve were initially created as a single, two-faced body. The single being was split in two—a man and a woman—and then reunited in matrimony. In the world of souls, the partition and reunification of the male and female components of individual souls occurs continually. Every body is occupied by half a soul, and both body and soul reach a state of completion only when they are reunited with their long-lost other half.

The Talmud says that each soul’s predestined soul-mate is determined before its birth. The two may be born continents apart, with seemingly nothing in common, but divine destiny ensures that everyone’s path intersects with that of their soul-mate. However, in rare instances, due to external spiritual factors which may intervene, it is possible for people to marry spouses who are not their soul-mate. Even in such instances, however, eventually the two original soul-mates will marry—whether later on in life as a second marriage, or in a future incarnation of the two souls.

According to Kabbalists, the soul’s most fervent wish is to transcend itself. Marriage offers the soul the opportunity to express its altruistic nature. Marriage is about two souls who put their individual needs aside, and commit themselves 100% to the success of the relationship.

With Adam and Chavah at the forefront, it has been our mission to sanctify the world and make it a suitable place for emulating its Creator and be cause for “It” to revel. The home is the first frontier. Man and his woman are the perfect team to implement this plan. When working in harmony, they have the ability to make the home an epicenter of holiness whose ripple affects the neighborhood and the cosmos.

While that may be the ideal situation, the reality can be quite different. Now I’m not saying that I am unhappy, not at all. Sure there are some unhappy moments in time which goes without saying. Things can’t be “jolly roger” all the time. How would we be able to appreciate the good times if we have nothing to compare them with? How would we know the difference?

But here’s the thing and this is where it starts getting real personal again. I don’t know how many of you read my post “This Is Personal” , but if you did you’d know that I am not “white”. Here’s where you find out that my wife is . . . well sort of. Not in the way that’s meant derogatorily. She’s an American Romanian gene Yehudiah born in Israel but grew up in New York City. Suddenly the Talking Heads come to mind . . . How did I get here?

Okay, I’ll tell you. For whatever reasons which I cannot say because they are altogether not so clear to me even, I’ve had this strong desire to want to know “Who is G-d?” . . . Really. My parents practiced Catholicism. While I faithfully went to church as a kid, I found myself wanting to know why the person people were saying saved them he himself prayed to G-d. Something didn’t sit right with me. The more I began to peruse through the bible that we had at home with its intriguing pictures, it appeared to me that maybe the essence of prayer should be directed to The Creator of Heaven and Earth. I don’t know, this is way to deep to write about now. Maybe I’ll write a book someday. But, essentially, I found myself in search of truth. Besides, waking up to the fact that the holidays that we celebrated, despite being quite fun days, had a lot of lies connected to them. What’s the deal with the Easter bunny? How come we had a real mean German shepherd dog guarding the inside of our house that let no one in and Mr. Claus could somehow sneak into the house overnight and plant loads of presents under the tree in our living room? No way he could get away with that and not get torn to shreds! Surely I’d have seen some red and white fabric shreds lying around somewhere in the house. Oh and the search for reindeer in the skies all night while listening for the bells chinging over an otherwise snowy silent night? Not once in all my years on this quest did I catch a glimpse of any of those characters. Why was I being lied to? What was the cover up? The truth doesn’t stand on one leg. It’s stabilized by a solid stance.

So I began my search for it intensively while attending university. There I met so many different types of people with so many varied beliefs that an opened mind can get flooded. I finally came to the conclusion that “original” teaching, the first five books that Moses wrote, had the most to offer me in the way of understanding who the real deal is as far as I can understand “It”. Not that I totally do but I feel good that I may be communicating better with “It” than I was under the influence of some other belief. Some say that somewhere in my gene pool there must have been a Jewish “spark” carried down from an unknown ancestor. I must say however, had I known about the Noachide Laws, that might have kept me from being under the yoke of 606 commandments and instead having to be responsible for upholding just seven! So much more liberating. But I’m happy to be living life under the “Canopy of Divine Guidance” so you won’t get any complaints from me. But, for anyone still with me on this blog dealing with similar issues like those I faced, the Noachide World Center may be a good place to look into. Check out these videos too.

Anyway, so I wanted to get married. Did I upset my destiny toward my soul-mate? Or was this part of the divine plan? What does G-d know that I may never find out?

When you change your world, you create a whole new reality. But your phenotype stays the same. For me, the types of “fish in the sea” seemed to become much fewer in number. In fact, pretty much down to zilch. Suddenly, pretty much any Yehudiah with brown skin that my friends and extended family would meet became a candidate for me. For that reason alone. But compatibility is an important concern for such a milestone commitment. I felt no need to be confined within the mindset that my help-meet had to look like me skin-wise. We are clearly people after all . . . Spiritual beings having a human experience! Not that much is different between us outside of the culture we are trained by.

So that had become the main challenge. Bridging the gap between cultural upbringing. I have found that compromise can be a double-edged sword that one must exercise extreme caution with. It can either encourage your wildest dreams or send you to your wildest nightmare. It’s important to keep your eyes on the prize you are trying to win. What’s your ultimate goal? Remember, begin with the end in mind. Now mind you, I, like every sane man on the planet, am attracted to beautiful women. Not that they are attracted to me, but I for sure am drawn to quality. Sure, there are some who look absolutely fantastic, but you can tell right away or even some short time after that they don’t represent quality women. Then again, you can find some really high quality women who look somewhat beast. I selected a “golden soul” who most certainly wasn’t going to be a draw to the “wolves” and maybe run astray nor would I wake up in the morning thinking again of those Talking Heads. Well, not too often anyway!! Admittedly it can happen.

So that’s it. In a search for a mutual lifestyle companion, we may find our selves building our own prison for reasons unknown. But, if the conditions are good, what’s the benefit of breaking out? Being committed doesn’t have to refer to an insane asylum. You have to stick with your “inner voice” and go with your program. It just may be that no matter which one you choose, she’s the right medicine for what ails you . . . Even if at times she makes you “sick”. It’s all good.